April 11, 2010
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Thoughts and feelings
Yesterday was my son’s 49th birthday – so hard to think of him as being there, he is still just my boy. I know he thinks of me too as still the younger person I was in his youth. Every weekend he calls and we chat for an hour on the phone, as he lives in Washington, and most of the time in spokane – too far for us to get together regularly much as I would like to. Yesterday it was a quick one, as he was about to board a bus to come to Seattle for today – a sad journey for him. One of his best friends passed away suddenly last week, and the memorial is to be held today. I never met Dan, but I heard of him almost every time Eugene and I talked, so felt I knew him somewhat. He leaves behind a 2yr old daughter and his wife. Why I am talking about this? It has left me in a funny mood, I think about how life has no guarrentees, and none of really know when our time is up. Dan was still young, barely 50, a life filled with loved ones and feelings he could live forever.
It brought up memories of the loss of my SIL so many years ago from a car accident – that was the most devasting thing to go through, and how thankfull I am that my daughter was able to cope through that tragedy, and is now happily married to a wonderful man and has three beautiful daughters.
I see so many of my friends now losing their loved ones and the grieving they go through that is so hard for some of them to overcome.
I think of my Mother, and cry as I miss her from the days she was so full of life and there whenever an adventurous idea came up – game to be a part of it (I do not like to think of the 12 years she spent in a nursing home, helpless and unable to even communicate properly – that was one of the hardest long term times I went though, and was actually happy when she decided to go)So I guess this post is all about emotions, and life/death and possibly what is really important to us in this life – the people we know and love.
Elmer and I talked a bit about this in another area. We have so many people we care about, be they family or friends. I try to connect often, and I at least try to let them know I think of them often and love them all. Do they even realise how sincere I am? I make no demands on their time, I do not interfere with their lives or tell them how to run it, even if I think they have chosen a hard road and could do other to make it easier. It is not my place and I know how I feel if they tried to do that to me – would not like it at all, so I give them the same as I want back. If they do ask though I will be honest in what my opinions and thoughts/feelings are on whatever question they have asked, and I know it is not always liked as sometimes the answer they want is a confirmation of good action, or a ‘yes man’ answer which is not always the one I give. So how will I be remembered?
Comments (4)
I am sure you will be remembered with lots of love. You share it and make all of us feel good. Thank you for asking about Finnegan. He did eat a little bit this morning and drank a few laps of water. That is more than he did yesterday so I just keep praying he continues to improve each day. Giving him his medicine is a total war! Love, Nancy
Hi Fran, yes, memories are what we leave behind when we move on from this life. And those memories include values.
You and I taught our children values and that they carry on to the next generation. I think of mom too, we were all close to her, she was a character but such a sweet character, very sensitive. I think of dad too, how his family was everything to him and all the time he spent reading to us as children. I am a great grand mother four times over and you are becoming a great grand mother soon, how time goes by so fast. Reflect on the past, but explore the future sis, in this way, we will have much to talk about when we ourselves move on from here. Love you, Renee
Oh, I enjoyed this so much Fran. It really really blessed me. You are so right about our lives, how fast they go by and how will we be remembered. You know the things that used to be important just aren’t so important anymore. Things just don’t matter that much, it is people that counts. I lost my Dad last June and I have had such a hard time with it. He was 89 but he raised me and my brother by himself, he was our mother and daddy and I had him in my life for 61 years and then he is gone. I talked to him every day and saw him often as he only lived a few miles from us. I did not know it would be this hard but there is such a void, a vacancy. What you said is exactly how I feel. But I have so many happy memories and I try and dwell on them and they bring a smile to my face.
You spoke from your heart and my heart heard you. Thank you.
Hi, Fran I have deleted my Facebook account. I wanted you to know where to find me if you wanted. Judi